i just caught myself saying, "hi" to a picture. yeah...umm. the more that i am able to separate myself from living like we're geting back together, the more i really can't stop thinking about how great it could be. see i caught myself just now. i was going to say would be. but we all know that helen and self-control and wise choices haven't exaclty coincided (sp?), ever, and i know that if i truly become a enw person, one more like christ and less like me, he and i could have a phenominal relationship. some times i just day dream about osmetime in the future...walking into habitat FULL of my precious flowers and him proposing and, this is the best part, me saying yes on the condition that we dont' kiss until we are married.

See, sunday i decided that he and i are not getting back together. period, end of story. and it's made my actual relationship with him much easier...well, it will be once i actually explain this to him, and then i won't have to worry about hurting his feelings--hopefully. really, i need to be a completely different person right now, and focusing so much on confusion about "us" is putting a huge road block between who i am and who i need to be. so i put it aside. as far as i am concerned we are friends and as much as i may still have felings for him, as much as i daydream, or wish or hope, it will not happen. God has the perfect man for me. maybe it's who he is working to become, and maybe it's not. really, that's not up to me. and i am surprisingly ok with that.

i am going to go to bed now. early as it may be for the likes of me, my body will appreciate it so much. be back soon.

Are you an alpha, beta, or gamma girl?

Which Rainbow Brite kid are you? By Growing.