the world is a mess. i guess i fit right in. it's a good thing that God uses messes. I started reading this book tonight called soul tsunami. i'm still in the introduction but it's already rocking my face off. Mike told me i should read it a million years ago, and tonight i decided that i needed to smile so i went to visit my newly dubbed "friend" at Starbucks, Scott. He always makes me smile. I hope that he loves Jesus. Anyway, so i borrowed Sarah Bangert's copy of the book and took my self all the way to streets of woodfield to say hello to my friend, to smile and his curly hair, metaled teeth, and warming smile, and to read this book--oh, i had to get something to drink too: steamed cider, lots of sugar, i forgot. Anyway this book is all about how the church needs to step into post modernism before it's swept over and slain my the tidal wave of today's culture and society. i read the first 30 pages or so, closed my book and sat back to watch the very culture we are so far removed from. i am utterly taken aback at how many needy people there are in this world (called the northwest suburbs, let alone the world) so many sixteen year old girls are running around at 10:30 on a monday night, half-dressed, all girl, and all attention fiend (no i can't spell). on a brighter note, i saw doug (who's real name is brian if any one cares) talking with this girl--it looked like they had both just gotten off of working--and it appeared that the girl had her bibile out on the table. Jesus, touch that boy's heart! he needs your love and your fulfillment in his life! I almost cried when i realized that they were having this super in depth conversation about something or other. People watching is a phenominal activity. i think that i'll do it more often.
there's a lot about myself that i should talk about. just get it out there in the open.....but i don't think that i can let go of it. apparently Tomato paste finally told the two stooges everything. Jeanna told me that in a recent converstation with curly he had said that TP told them about it (not right after it happened, but told them nonetheless). whatever that means. i thought that this occurance would make me happy, TP is finally being accountable and what not...instead i was crushed and super worried about what they think of me. Another thing, apparently TP didn't hurt me, i'm "just hurt." absolutley infuriating. HOW MUCH MORE OF A BOY CAN YOU BE?!?!?!?!?!?!? needless to say, i was quite upset. At least i stopped blaming myself for all of it (really just for a few minutes, but it was some relief). Everytime i get really guilty the Lord just reminds me that the past will never go away, but it will also never matter (hallelujah for grace!)
I have so much more to write but i am getting frustrating with my inability to spell. to bed i go, to bed sans fred....i will never date a fred ;)
posted by Helen Amanda at
11:17 PM
