apparently, it's easy for me to forget that there is in fact a calling on my life...that's probably not a good thing, really--the fact that i forget. I was on the phone last night with one of the people who knows me best...and they were not aware of this knowledge i have of my future. I don't really know why it never came up, but i just never mentioned it i guess. maybe i subconsiously don't want people to know about it, so that when i am in a bad mood i can be overdramatic and say things like "i have no idea where my life is going," and, "God never tells me anything," and various other untruths...so, instead of allowing myself to fall victim to this self desicration anylonger, i am going to share this prophecy with you--the general reading public, whomever you are. It's from the end of january of this year...yeah, here it is--repetition is edited out for readability.

... Lord we just know...as, by the sprit that your hand is upon her. And she has said that ‘I will not settle for anything less than your will...I won’t settle for it, sometimes I’m tempted but ... I will not settle for anything except what you have for me.’ And Lord, she can trust you...Let her look there and see: Your banner over her is love. She can trust you, that you will direct her steps you will guide her ... she will be in the right place at the right time with the right person. Now God you are gonna do that for her, she is not to listen to the lies. Sometimes the enemy would try to discourage her, but she is not to listen. You will direct her steps God. OH God she’s not gonna miss the mark, she’s gonna be everything that you intended for her to be. Hallelujah, and she’s gonna be a blessing, she’s gonna be a blessing to the church of God. I don’t know how in the world God’s gonna do that in a special way, but you are gonna be a blessing to the family of God.......

do, i may not know the a's b's and c's of my life's path but i know the outcome. now i really just need to work on letting God direct me in EVERY aspect of my life....usually hard work that only leads to more hard work is disheartening, but for some reason or another working hard to become who God wants me to be, so that i can work hard as that person, is more than worthwhile =) that's all for now.

this "ex" thing...still is bothering me. i more than appreciate the fact that TP and i are friends and dubbing him "ex-boyfriend" detracts from his actual role in my life. really he's not a "used to" at all....except the "we USED to make out" aspect of...well, stuff. his position in my life is that of a good friend. really his contirbution to my life is readily accepted--even sought after. I would like to officially un-name him my ex and name him....TP. that's right. not the letters actually, but his name. that's who he is. not ex this or current that. just him. a valuable, special, and welcomed person.

i miss him a lot if you couldn't tell. anyway, that's my speech on "ex" i guess it doesn't really mean much--mostly for me to get thoughts out of my brain.

so, elisabeth has been flying in a airplane for 6 hours...only 6 more to go then she's in france. i cried when i was explaining to my six year old about her being gone. i never expected to be sad about her going, but i am. maybe extremem exhaustion had a part in it, but still...it was crying, and it was for her. that's all for now.

Hmm...so TP and i talked last night..."the ex"--that's a horrible nomination. Like, "you are a person that USED to be welcome in my life," or," you USED to make me happy," something along the lines of, "at one time i decided that you were a good choice to share my life with but i changed my mind about you."

i'll finish this though later. i am going to help elisabeth get a website set up for when she's in france = )

it's late. i am tired. elisabeth is leaving for france on tuesday....that means my last day to see her for four months is tomorrow....crazy. i am so tired that i feel inebriated right now. that's probably not good. i am going to go read my Bible and sleep. more here later.