The last saturday before school and what have i filled it with?

1) 7 am alarm to go to school and work
2) cleaning my room for 15 million hours only to leave it unfinished for goodness knows how long
3) babysit for an undetermined amount of time
4) hopefully go out until the wee hours of the morning pretending nott o be exhausted

i guess it's not all bad. TP called me last night to talk...it was good reminiscent of freinds. made me smile. maybe we'll hang out tonight....maybe i'll clean my room.

I feel like being all complicated and artistic right now.

I just wrote a check for 175 dollars to pay for a dumb speeding ticket.
that's not complicated and artistic

I have to wake up at 7 a.m. tomorrow to show unwashed miscriants around William Rainey Harper Community College's unwashed campus.
THAT'S not complicated and artistic.

I just got home from a day full of babysitting; there is dried, strained, and mashed green beans stuck on the sleeve of my shirt and yellow dried (almost) snot on the other shoulder.
That's not complicated and artistic.

My hair smells like cigarete smoke from last night, and my hands like pepermint schnapps from tonight (teething toddler, don't ask), and my room smells like....it needs to be cleaned.
none of this is complicated and artistic.

I suppose that i could go on like this for years and years...but you probably already know that i am quite possibly complicated but not, and will never be, artistic. So i'm going to go to bed...so i can sleep, wash all this grosness off of me, volunteer at school (did you catch the 10 things I hate about you quote?), clean my room, go work some more,a dn enjoy my last official weekend of summer like it should be enjoyed.......stupid drunk.


now, if i only drank.....= ) Steph, i'm counting down the days! Love you dear, have a good weekend!

i'm counting the days when i get to go back to chicago. and it's not like i'm just itching to leave omaha or anything... i dunno. i guess i just feel like my life is on hold for a couple weeks and i just want to move on with the year. everything just feels so unstable, which isn't good or bad, just real. i'm just looking forward to consistency. and having money again will ne nice. ;)

news just in. michael's manager got the hookup with a program director of a radio station in houston who has promised that virgin AND maverick records will listen to the new record once it's completed because he has the hookup with them. freaking incredible! AND i just found out michael knows how to salsa dance. which is freaking awesome. okay i have to go, but there... i love you!!!

blog blog blog

Last night, Erica and i went on a mission. We stole Mike's keys and Gloria, his car, and filled it up with gas...after which we had to sneak his keys back into place in the midst of his frantic serch for them...it was very exciting. Alex helped us out a lot.

Last night, prior to our hijinx...i celebrated (?) my last night as a leader in powerhouse. I cried in front of the entire youth group as i explained that i had to leave because i realized that i am unable to lead the kids closer to God....it hurt my feelings a lot, and crying in front of so many people made me angry. Still, i have at least opened up a door for the Lord to work more freely. That's what i need to work on now. I have like 4 or 5 months till Christmas...not that i am expecting some random man to come to my door on Christmas morning with white lilies and ask me to date him (although that would be an awfully fun thing to happen). I'm just not going to let myself think about or worry about my relationsihps with guys at all until then. Romance isn't an option. Just getting closer to God....Jesus, i need help!

i guess that's not everything i have to say about everything but my mom just made garlic bread so i'm going to go eat somea nd then take a nap! love you steph!!! SEE YOU SOON!

so i go to colorado springs and ending up spending the entire time with nowie. i was hoping that i would get to spend some time with my girl friend from omaha, but some stuff came up and it just didn't work out. as you know things were extremely awkward between he and i for the first few days, and i think we figured out that the reason why they were so was because he decided a few days before i came out that nothing romantic was going to happen between us. he said that he had been so anticipating me coming that it was driving him nuts... apparently to such a point that he went out one night last week and decided to punch his fist against some asphalt (nice scabs to show for it). he says that sometimes minor physical pain helps clear his mind.... "a little pain is good...a little blood will never hurt anyone." as weird as that sounds, i'm not sure that he's wrong. anyway, from what i understand he convinced himself or psyched himself into believing that nothing would happen between us. which was funny to me because i told him when i decided to go out that i wasn't going to see if there could be an "us", just to go and hang out, and from his response i thought the sentiment was reciprocated. not that there was no question of how things would be, but i had it pretty set in my mind that nothing would happen.

but apparently since he decided not to be romantically interested in me, then it was tough to enjoy my company as a friend or something. conversation was rather forced the whole time, although after we had that whole talk things seemed somewhat better. but most of the time i felt like he was acting like he was just too cool for me. sometimes it seemed like he was anti-everything and we just couldn't agree on anything. last night was a little different, though... he and i went to this place that has swing dancing lessons and then a swing dance for a couple hours every Sunday night. freaking coolest thing ever! for $5, you get an hour and a half of lessons plus two hours of dancing in a non-smoking, non-drinking club. i haven't had that much fun in a long time-- we need to find a place like this in chicago! noah and i took the lessons then danced with each other and some other people for the rest of the evening... and to be real honest with you, there was just this chemistry between us while we were dancing. it was like for the first time since i had been there we just felt comfortable... but it was kind of more than that. like you know how when you're dancing with someone (especially swing dancing) it's kind of awkward to have your faces somewhat close together but not cheek to cheek? well when we were dancing, i expected occasional eye contact, but he was always looking in my eyes and smiling the entire time we danced. it was nothing major, just kind of strange. so we went back to his house, watched a movie, then went to bed. we woke up this morning and he had to leave to go to work. he gave me a hug that lasted a little longer than a normal hug, but didn't really say much. then he handed me a card.

i went inside and talked to his mom for a few minutes, then read the card upstairs. he had made it (did i mention he's an art major?), and it just said, "thank you so much for coming to see me. i had a wonderful time. i will write soon... take care, Nowie." oh, did i mention that he threw in $25 in cash in the card? to help compesate for gas money! wow. i was dumbstruck.

so, debriefing... no, i don't really have feelings for noah. if he had been a knight in shining armor and decided to sweep me off of my feet the probability of me liking him would have been much greater. but as it was, i was rather relieved to leave. i will say that i think he is very attractive and that at times i was attracted to him, but the feelings of discomfort outweighed the chemistry for the most part. i left feeling a little sad that it looked as though things would never work out, but i think that is a common thing for me regardless of how much or how little i like a guy friend. and i talked to michael today and told him about the weekend, just so that it wouldn't be a secret.

so that was the weekend in a nutshell... it feels good just to get it sort of written down. i need sleepy now though... i love you helen...