so it's about 8:30 on a Tues. night. I'm waiting with baited breath for the new Real World episode to come on in 20-30 minutes or so. i actually hate that expression-- baited breath. it's just so... gross. disgusting. i'm never using it again.

so yeah... anyway, a wealth of semi-interesting things are occurring/have occurred this week. a) I took my car in to the Honda dealership today to have the transmission looked at, and I dropped off the receipt from the engine analysis that I had done on Sat. that said my "check engine" light went off due to a transmission torque converter blah blah blah problem, and apparently the Honda virtuosos drove my car around for eight miles trying to make the light come back on again, when I think the nature of the system is that when the problem has been read and diagnosed, the light turns off (which is why I gave them what the other mechanic dudes had found).
"Did you actually look at the part that was said to have been damaged/malfunctioning?"
"Well, no ma'am. That would have required us to take apart your entire transmission."
"Isn't that your job, Sparky?"
I wouldn't be upset about it if they hadn't charged me $71 to drive my car around and waste my gas. I mean, what the heck. I could have told you the light wasn't going to come back on. So, basically, they say they can't find anything wrong with my car. Which is fine with me for now, I guess... it just means I'm going to keep driving it until my transmission falls out, and then they can just replace the whole thing and look like morons.

on a side note, here's a funny quote from last week's episode of Real World. Tonya apologizes to Cara for being pissy when she's scared about going to the hospital. Cara hugs her and sighs in frustration... "I just have to accept that being scared equals bitchiness for you." just sounded funny.

okay, here's b) I got to work today for almost 8 hours!! yay! I've missed Starbucks so much! it was great.

and c) I get to play a show on Thurs. night at some coffee shop. That will be fun, except I have to perform for an entire hour, and I can't do any covers. Performing for such a long time won't be a problem, but really, who wants to listen to someone they don't know play songs they don't know for an entire hour? I know I wouldn't. Long shows are usually only good for background music and/or with due familiarity of the material being played. but oh well. it will be a good experience. and it will be the first time the justin song is played for a real audience, which will be cool.

this summer is turning out to be so weird. i'm just like in this super chill mode where I can be excited about stuff, but I'm just not passionate about anything. and I don't know whether it's good or bad. I mean, i suppose it's nice in that life just isn't so dramatic and i can be laid back about everything, but it's frustrating in that i feel like in so many areas I have no direction. I don't really feel like explaining this now, but I really want it to change. At the very least, I really want a passion again for sharing the Gospel. Who was it that said, "I weep because I don't weep and I repent because I don't repent"? that's how I feel...

anyway... it's taken me forever to get all of this done... i've been leaving and then coming back to the computer and now it's almost 10:30. i think i'm going to call you Helen. I love you and I'll talk to you soon...

six months ago this second i was laying in my bed crying after a four hour conversation with mike. that's right folks june 23rd = helen and mike being, rather, not being for six full months. that's a long time...that's three days longer than we were together. hmm. tonight i decided that i hate who i am. i'm selfish, cocnieted, vain, argumentative, overly concerned with the worhtless parts of life and underly (yes, it's a word...now) concerned with what's truly important. i need to change and gash darn quickly. first i need to sleep. this deprivation thing is hurting my body. so that's all for now.